Thursday, June 15, 2006

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL MY WINNINGS?

MONEY! VICTORY!
These are words that describe how my feel. Like swimming in ill-gottens. Thanks to Action, Leisure and 'Mouse for giving up their liquid assets in game of skills to me. Pair of eights for splits. Pair of eights for knockitabout. Something else for the win. All in and all out. Ground control to Major Player. You're wallets full, there's something right. Can you hear me Major Player? DOoDOoDOoWweeeeoOoooOOOOoDODOoDOOOEEEEEEeeeeee

ALL I SEE ARE CANS!

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After the intoxicating poker game last night, Neil went to go get me a sandwich. I'm still waiting for it. But while he was out, I decided I needed some comics reading, but I didn't want something I might have liked from MoCCA, I wanted something terrible. Luckily, Marcos picked up Civil War #2.

The main action in this issue if supplied by Patriot, one of the Young Avengers. I don't know much about these characters, but Patriot appears to be the Captain America of that team. Not to be confused with the guy I assume is the ACTUAL Captain America, a guy so skilled at undercover work, a SHIELD agent (tasked with finding Captain America) mistakes him for his own partner and is suprised to find out it was Captain America ALL ALONG. The Falcon is a bit of an arrogant jerk—this is all you need to know. Daredevil, in prison in his own book and a guy who almost always works solo, is in charge of tactical coordination for the underground superheroes.

You see, the government is rounding up and imprisoning all the superheroes who are breaking a law that hasn't gone into affect yet. Possibly because they're torturing super villains... I'm not actually sure. I'm also not sure why the Vulture and the Grim Reaper would be hanging out together. But they're working underground. Or something.

One thing I am sure of is that I had forgotten all about the version of the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe that gave each character his own removable page that could be assembled in a binder however you the fan wanted. Thankfully, the photoshop skills of the artist include scanning and free-transforming those pages into SHIELD computer monitors. I don't think Keith Pollard even got credit in the issue though.

"Every superhero is a jerk," seems to be the message, with Iron Man building a not-so-top-secret prison for his friends called "42," ("52" was already taken by DC), She-Hulk and Mr. Fantastic high-fiving(!) each other while their friends are hunted and Mr. Fantastic more excited about a superhero prison than anything since he saw his first black hole (Galactus? the Negative Zone? These things are crap compared to the glory of a Superhero prison). Mr. Fantastic is so excited about hunting down his friends and imprisoning them, that he can't even be bothered to visit his brother-in-law in the hospital.

There's an attempt to write Mr. Fantastic so in-character while acting so out-of-character that it hurt my brain.

Peter Parker singlehandedly eviscerates the argument for superhero registration (the argument is that wearing a mask and fighting crime as an untrained kid is bad) by saying saying he's been at it since he was 15, then he undermines his character completely by revealing his identity.

Nick Fury is in hiding from his underlings for some reason. Much of the plot for this comic appears to be happening somewhere else. Without editor's notes—'Jovial' Justin.

My biggest problem with this issue is that it's not a glaringly bad as the first. If you don't know the characters, it all probably reads pretty well. No camel's backs are broken, no characters are randomly taped onto the page, screaming characters are pictured screaming when they should be screaming. There's a page of Yellow/Red Spider-Man swinging by the Daily Bugle that looks like the worst kind of ass, but it's not funny-bad. They're using a version of J. Jonah Jameson that's ALMOST right (but the artist has no idea how to play the comedy).

The funniest part of the book is the two-page Superman ad. The best part is that John Romita Jr. ad for The Eternals.

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It's good to look at these things though. Now I'm more prepared than ever to plunge into my MoCCA gottens. I've flipped through a few (Paping #14, Ayo's books and Bill Roundy's), and I think this is going to be a good weekend for reading comics.

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