Sunday, August 13, 2006

THE WIRE SEASON 3 (NO SPOIL)

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it time to pronounce The Wire as the greatest television show in history yet? Yes. Yes, it is.

No show in the history of television can come close to matching the 3 seasons of The Wire.

Seriously. I have never been more angry at a show before in my life than I was after that thing happened. Seething anger. That's the only way to describe how I felt. Well, seething anger and unconditional love.

The Wire only hits me 'cause it loves me, I know. It's my fault, I shouldn'ta done that stuff that made The Wire so angry. How about I clean these dishes and make you that apple pie you love so much, The Wire? Don't worry, I'll just tell all my girlfriends I fell down the stairs or something. There, there, The Wire, momma gonna make it all right again, you'll see. I love you, The Wire. Don't ever leave me, and I'll never upset you again, The Wire. You won't even see me in the same room as Slim Charles ever.

***Shout out to Marc, as a certain magazine you work for is shown in one episode. Also, Erica Campbell is featured in another magazine shot. Google hits, google hits. Hey, the game is the game. And this is just business.***

How did they add over ten prominent characters to this beast and still keep it a) the best-cast show in television history and b) the most engaging show in television history? I don't know. I do know that the opening credits are now as long as an arm, and that the Neville Brothers performed the opening song.

I also know I hate all you HBO-ownin' motherfuckers, because you get to see Season 4 beginning on September 10. I also know I hate all you tv critic motherfuckers because you already seen all of Season 4. And I also know I hate all you HBO-ownin' motherfuckers I know don't watch The Wire, beacuse you should be watchin' it and invitin' me over yo motherfuckin' houses so's I can get my The Wire fix, punk-ass bitches.

I gonna watch all the commentaries and then probably watch all three seasons in some crazy marathon fashion. I also gotta put Season 3 in Marcos' hands, so I can say everything I gotta say. I also gotta get Kenny to watch all 36 of these motherfuckin' episodes. No way I can see anyone drunk until they see this shit. Damn.

Also, I need to buy all three seasons for my parents' biggest Christmas gift ever. And I need to figure out how to put this in the hands of everyone I know. I embarrassed the only people I can talk to about this are digital people. Real, flesh people! Hear me! If you never do anything else I ask you to do, watch The Wire! I will need people to talk to in the future, and I'm not sure it will be possible if you don't ever watch The Wire. Or have a great ass.

And, since most of you don't have great asses, you'll need to watch The Wire. If you're not sure about the quality of your ass, watch The Wire to be safe. Or, ask me to inspect your ass in person. And then watch The Wire. That ass will only get you so far.

The greatest television show in history. I say this without hyperbole. Seriously.

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