Tuesday, September 26, 2006

SHORT SKIP 322-339

Just a shorty before bed. I didn't expect anyone else to think this huge list was a good idea. Kenny thinks it's such a good idea, that he's doing one of his own. Or, maybe, he looked at some of my list and decided it was actually a terrible idea, and that he'd fix it and make it all better. It will be very interesting to see where our lists converge and diverge. I don't know where he gets the idea it's a list of 'favorites' though. Clearly, only the finest empirical evidence is at work here. To wit:

322. Relax Frankie Goes to Hollywood Bang!...The Greatest Hits of Frankie Goes to Hollywood

I love 'Greatest Hits' albums that are one song long, don't you? The best Duran Duran song was all about getting comfortable in the pole position when you want to go to it and shoot it in the right direction. This was the closest music has ever come to throwing in the towel, but it needed it to wipe off, and now we're stuck with this 23-year old towel.

323. What Am I Gonna Do With You Barry White Barry White's Greatest Hits
324. You're The First, The Last, My Everything Barry White Barry White's Greatest Hits
325. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe Barry White Barry White's Greatest Hits
326. Never Never Gonna Give Ya Up Barry White Barry White's Greatest Hits
327. I'm Gonna Love You Just A Little More, Baby Barry White Barry White's Greatest Hits

What hasn't been said about Barry White that he couldn't say better himself. The patron saint of MILF-hunting took disco and slowed it the fuck down. After killing the party, he made his move - and he moved fast on your drunk ass. Where did those candles come from? Is that lotion? Lower lips tremble at the timber of his voice. The ones on the mouth, too.

328. Bcdtmx Autechre Basscad EP
329. Beaumonthannanttwomx Autechre Basscad EP
330. Basscadubmx Autechre Basscad EP

Remixes of minimalist beats? Crazy. Rethink the remix when it really becomes different songs. Cool, different songs.

331. No Jumper Cables Aesop Rock Bazooka Tooth
332N.Y. Electric Aesop Rock Bazooka Tooth
333. Freeze Aesop Rock Bazooka Tooth

Aesop Rock and label leader EL-P are an acquired taste. Frenetic beats no one should even think about rhyming to and rhymes that make you go hmmm... Aesop uses more words in a song than Twista knows. He's an Atari 2600 from the year 2600 who finds all the details you never noticed and shapes them into the devil's own rhythm. After a few listens, you'll wonder how you planned to get through the next millenium without him.

334. Phony Rappers A Tribe Called Quest Beats Rhymes & Life

One of the definitive Tribe songs and possibly the best battle cry in the war against mediocrity. Followed by an even, but non-stellar, kind of mediocre, album. Wha- hoppen?

335. Sympathy For The Devil The Rolling Stones Beggars Banquet
336. Street Fighting Man The Rolling Stones Beggars Banquet

See? I'm not a total hater. 'Sympathy' is the best thing the Stones ever did. If they only did that song, they'd truly be one of the greatest bands ever. Unfortunately, they made hundreds of other songs. Still, what a great song. I guessed his name was Rumpelstiltskin, but I lost that dwarf bargain. 'Street Fighting Man'? I had no idea that was the name of the song. It's a really good tune, even if there are no references to Bison or Chun-Li.

337. Giving Him Something He Can Feel En Vogue Best of En Vogue
338. What's Up 4 Non Blondes Bigger, Better, Faster, More!

I like to think of these two songs as a Final Jeopardy. "Giving Him Something He Can Feel... No. What's Up. We were looking for What's Up." I've been there, Alex, I've been there. Wait. No I haven't. Have I? En Vogue said you were never gonna get it one minute and then they're giving you something you can feel the next. Just like four women. "What's Up?" is better than you think it is. Don't let that girl who never washes her hair ruin it for you.

This list hasn't been very image heavy, and I apologize. Maybe this will give you something you can feel:

I'm skipping Benny Goodman for a while, to figure out how to start. There's a bunch of Davis to contemplate as well, but that might be easier. MIGHT be. What to do about all that jazz...

The Rules


Blogger Kenneth Belasco said...

Your list is a thousand times better than Rolling Stones "these musicians currently have our collective nuts in a vice" top 500 songs.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Justin J. Fox said...

Thank you. Independence is nice, even if I wish certain artists DID have my nuts in a vice. Hello, Ciara...

7:10 PM  

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