Saturday, September 23, 2006

STONED CAVEAT LIST (114-230)

This section of the LIST is the most stoned so far. Light your spliff's for the ride.

114. Ya Soshla S Uma t.A.T.u. 200 KM/H in the Wrong Lane

I know there are English versions of t.A.T.u.'s biggest 'hits', but the original Russian makes it all sound so much crazier. WHAT COULD THEY BE SAYING??? Why would I want to know?

115. 1999 Prince 1999
116. Little Red Corvette Prince 1999
117. Delirious Prince 1999

This is why I didn't take the easy way out of limiting tracks per artist to, say, 10. Who is to say that The Beatles 11th-best song is worse than Prince's 10th? Or that Prince's 11th-best is worse than Radiohead's 10th? Or that Radiohead's 11th best song is worse than Tupac's 10th? Who is to say? Not me.

118. What's The Difference (feat Xzibit) Dr. Dre The Chronic 2001
119. Still D.R.E. Dr. Dre The Chronic 2001
120. Forgot About Dre Eminem & Dr. Dre The Chronic 2001
121. The Next Episode Dr. Dre The Chronic 2001

On the album where Dre announces that he's still here, it's the songs that really spell out: b.e.a.t.i.n.g.a.d.e.a.d.h.o.r.s.e. that turned out to be the best. We should all forget about Dre for a few years so he comes back to make more top tunes.

122. Owner Of A Lonely Heart Yes 90125

Yes? YES!

123. Statesboro Blues The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
124. Ramblin' Man The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
125. Midnight Rider The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
126. Southbound The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
127. Melissa The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
128. Jessica The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979
129. Whipping Post The Allman Brothers Band A Decade Of Hits 1969-1979

Somewhere, deep inside, where I'm soft like a woman, there is a filthy biker yearning to breathe free.

130. Will My feet Still Carry Me Home Elf Power A Dream In Sound
131. High Atop the Silver Branches Elf Power A Dream In Sound
132. Old Tyme Waves Elf Power A Dream In Sound
133. We Dream In Sound Elf Power A Dream In Sound
134. O What a Beautiful Dream Elf Power A Dream In Sound

My favorite of the Athens, GA. bands. It's Neil Young singing over Yellow Submarine.

135. I Ran A Flock Of Seagulls A Flock Of Seagulls

More than just a joke about hair, they also made one great song.

136. Underdog Sly & The Family Stone A Whole New Thing
137. Turn Me Loose Sly & The Family Stone A Whole New Thing
138. Come Together The Beatles Abbey Road
139. Something The Beatles Abbey Road
140. Oh! Darling The Beatles Abbey Road
141. I Want You (She's So Heavy) The Beatles Abbey Road
142. Here Comes The Sun The Beatles Abbey Road
143. Because The Beatles Abbey Road
144. Mean Mr. Mustard The Beatles Abbey Road
145. Polythene Pam The Beatles Abbey Road
146. Carry That Weight The Beatles Abbey Road
147. Abigail King Diamond Abigail
148. Arrival King Diamond Abigail

What list of the 2007 GREATEST SONGS wouldn't be heavy with the Beatles? And what list wouldn't include representation from King Diamond, the man who combined sludgey rhythm and growling with high-pitched howling and screechy guitars into a heavy-metal opera about betrayal, murder, resurrection, revenge, murder, resurrection and murder? Not this list.

149. Long Gone Day Mad Season Above

The greatest Seattle not-so-supergroup getting soberish and bitching about their fair-weather friends.

150. Distorted Prose Dälek Absence

Cannon fodder. Dälek is like the greatest idea that didn't quite work, but this song is close enough.

151. Hot Karl Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
152. San Jose Fight Song Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
153. I Love the Valley Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
154. King Earth Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
155. Sita Deth Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
156. House Quake 2 Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!
157. Sad Girl Ten In the Swear Jar Accordion Solo!

I love Jamie Stewart. LOVE. I'd probably hate him if I knew him, but I only know his crazy music, I love him for it. Programed drums, washes of guitar, accordian, distorted, screamy vocals mixed with whispering — TItSJ may be gone, but Xiu Xiu is coming later. Possibly all over the hot carl they gave you.

158. Jailbait Motorhead Ace of Spades
159. Ace of Spades Motörhead Ace of Spades
160. Fast and Loose Motörhead Ace of Spades
161. The Hammer Motörhead Ace of Spades

Lemmy and Motörhead suffer a bit from AC/DC syndrome, they really only wrote one song and then played variations of it over and over again, but it was a pretty great song. These are some of the best variations. Also, LEMMY!

162. Even Better Than The Real Thing U2 Achtung Baby
163. One U2 Achtung Baby
164. Mysterious Ways U2 Achtung Baby

Every joke about U2 is as funny as it is true. Still, they wrote some great singles, and many of their albums would sound better if you ball-gagged half their fans.

165. Stinkfist Tool Ænima
166. Eulogy Tool Ænima
167. H. Tool Ænima
168. Forty Six & 2 Tool Ænima
169. Jimmy Tool Ænima
170. Pushit Tool Ænima
171. Ænema Tool Ænima
172. Third Eye Tool Ænima

Tool sound nothing like Metallica, but I find it interesting that they became awesome as Lars' band became less so, and became even more awesome the less awesome Metallica became. Somewhere, someone is becoming awesome off of Tool's diminishments...

173. Tell Me Why Neil Young After The Goldrush
174. After The Gold Rush Neil Young After The Goldrush
175. Only Love Can Break Your Heart Neil Young After The Goldrush
176. Southern Man Neil Young After The Goldrush
177. Don't Let It Bring You Down Neil Young After The Goldrush

There was a time when Young only made perfect albums. Really.

178. Mother's Little Helper The Rolling Stones Aftermath [UK]
179. Under My Thumb The Rolling Stones Aftermath [UK]

I am not a Stones fan. not by an Art Adams' Longshot. But they did make a few great songs. A few. A tip of the hat to these two, and a wag of the finger to almost everything else they did (I think there's about three more of their songs to go).

180. Pearly Radiohead Airbag/How Am I Driving? [EP]
181. Polyethylene (Parts 1&2) Radiohead Airbag/How Am I Driving? [EP]
182. Melatonin Radiohead Airbag/How Am I Driving? [EP]

It's not even a proper album, these O.K. Computer outtakes. But these, at least, are great!

183. Aladdin sane David Bowie Aladdin sane
184. Cracked actor David Bowie Aladdin sane
185. Watch that man David Bowie Aladdin sane
186. Let's Spend The Night Together David Bowie Aladdin Sane
187. The Jean Genie David Bowie Aladdin Sane

It's not even my favorite Bowie album. Not even top three, and yet it is SO GOOD.

188. Grind Alice In Chains Alice In Chains
189. Heaven Beside You Alice In Chains Alice In Chains

I like AiC. I'll admit it. These are the best of this album, but I can see them getting cut in the final analysis. Not so, some of their earlier stuff.

190. Ambitionz Az A Ridah 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
191. All About U 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
192. Skandalouz 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
193. How Do U Want It 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
194. 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
195. No More Pain 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
196. Life Goes On 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
197. Only God Can Judge Me 2Pac All Eyez On Me (Book One)
198. California Love Dr. Dre & 2pac N.W.A. Legacy, Vol. 1: 1988-1998 (Disc 2)
199. Can't C Me 2Pac All Eyez on Me (Book Two)
200. Shorty Wanna Be A Thug 2Pac All Eyez on Me (Book Two)
201. Holla At Me 2Pac All Eyez on Me (Book Two)
202. Wonda Why They Call U Bitch 2Pac All Eyez on Me (Book Two)
203. When We Ride 2Pac All Eyez on Me (Book Two)

All eyez were on him, so Tupac made a double album of all hit singles. Seriously. I camethisclose to just putting the whole damn thing on. One of the greatest hiphop albums ever by the man with one of the most ridiculous flows. Only God can judge him, though? Pffft! I'll judge him, and rule that he is guilty. Guilty of stealing my heart. The California Love from N.W.A. Legacy is the superior version, though, because my Eyez version is scratched. Scratched on the ultimate G-Funk song! ARGH!

204. all hands on the bad one sleater-kinney all hands on the bad one
205. Tides of the Moon Mercury Rev All Is Dream
206. Chains Mercury Rev All Is Dream
207. Little Rhymes Mercury Rev All Is Dream
208. You're My Queen Mercury Rev All Is Dream

This album was a disapointment after Deserter's Songs, but these tracks are pretty sweet.

209. Jersey Cream Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
210. Ladies' Man Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
211. The Body Malone Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
212. Let It Believe Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
213. Hot Dog Glove Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
214. Dr. Finast Vons Krasdale Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
215. Pussy Whipped Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
216. Plotonium Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals
217. Mad Tea Party Suave Prospects Forbidden Libidinals

I have no idea how these got in here. I wanted to put them in the list, because I stand by them, but I don't know how they got in this part. Really. I only found out after I pasted all these songs into this post. It's weird. Wide Load Riders is already in the Ultimate Party Mix section of the list.

218. My Sweet Lord George Harrison All Things Must Pass (Disc One)
219. What Is Life George Harrison All Things Must Pass (Disc One)
220. Beware Of Darkness George Harrison All Things Must Pass (Disc Two)
221. Awaiting On The Wall George Harrison All Things Must Pass (Disc Two)
222. Art Of Dying George Harrison All Things Must Pass (Disc Two)

As legend has it, Marcos was listening to this album on a turntable when the needle jumped off. That night, he learned that harrison had died. It sounds like a bad Grant Morrison anecdote, but it doesn't negate some nice songs, with bigger sonics than you might expect.

223. 1/1 Brian Eno Ambient 1 Music For Airports

I was trying to decide if Eno's ambient work broke with my Classical Music rule. I decided that it didn't. This is my favorite.

224. Loose Booty Parliament-Funkadelic America Eats Its Young
225. Gor-Gor Gwar America Must Be Destroyed

Lou's Boo-T has one of my favorite choruses. Guess how it goes. If the end of the world is going to be funny, Gwar will play the soundtrack. It's hard to pick the actual BEST Gwar song, but I think the one where the only lyrics for the first minute are "Gor-gor" is probably it.

226. Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box Radiohead Amnesiac
227. Pyramid Song Radiohead Amnesiac
228. I Might Be Wrong Radiohead Amnesiac
229. Knives Out Radiohead Amnesiac
230. Morning Bell/Amnesiac Radiohead Amnesiac

Amnesiac is my least favorite Radiohead album. I think it contains the most filler, but Hail to the Thief might be a contender for that crown. Amnesiac at least has a proper title. That said, there ARE stellar gems here. These are those gems.

I'm kind of surprised how often I caveated this part of the list. For the record, this part of the list isn't even my favorite part, but so much is so good.

The Rules

#1-85 (Ultimate Party)

#86-113

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