Tuesday, October 10, 2006

CROSSING THE WOODEN QUARTER?

In theory, the quarter mark on the 2007 GREATEST SONGS FOR 2007 should be at 502. In reality, I think I might exceed 2007 on my first run-through. In which case, I don't know where the quarter mark is. Hey, it's not rocket science, it's Techno-Techno Science. I'm sure I'll know exactly what to do when it's time to do the thing I'll have to do, no matter how unlikely it is that I'll know to do that thing.

486. Destro's Secret The Dillinger Escape Plan Calculating Infinity
487. 4th Grade Dropout The Dillinger Escape Plan Calculating Infinity

The PLAN was to walk through walls — The Mgt. TDE don't walk through walls, so much as bulldoze through them. Then stop and do some speed twinkling. Then they bulldoze again. I was always bad at time signatures (I failed every test in high school), and I don't know what it means to switch from 5/9 time to 37/3 time on a dime, but apparently it makes music hard to get into unless you're listening to it live. I've never seen them live, so I don't know what I'm missing, man. I do know that this is loud, angry, not-as-messy-as-it-seems, mega-rollercoaster, agression music. If the world ever needs less of that, I'll be on my way out — carried by a talking dolphin.

488. Good Things Sleater-Kinney call the doctor
489. I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone Sleater-Kinney Call The Doctor

Three hot chicks make catchy anthemic rock songs. It goes against every perceived law of music thought that Sleater-Kinney weren't the biggest band in the world. Hell, I didn't even have more than a few of their songs until recently. Is their something wrong with me or the perceived law? More respected than popular, S-L SHOULD have been both. I don't know ANYone who didn't love them after hearing them one time. Maybe not enough people heard them. Maybe I don't know enough people.

490. Sinners Bleed Entombed Clandestine
491. Evilyn Entombed Clandestine
492. Strangers Aeons Entombed Clandestine
493. Crawl Entombed Clandestine

I love the fact that Death Metal is/was so prevelant in the Scandinavian countries. What I love even more is that one of the greatest Death Metal albums of all time is from Sweden. That's funnier if you growl Death Metal and squeek out a Sweden. Entombed took those snow-bunny fur bikinis and replaced them with skulls. Growling skulls with fire-breathing worms crawling out of their eyes. All four of these songs should give you a sense of the breadth Death Metal is capable of, but rarely explores. Hell, any ONE of these songs should give you enough musical variety, thrashiness, dime-stop switches, drumtasticness and epicosity to satisfy your darkest desire.

494. Iron Galaxy Cannibal Ox Cold Vein
495. Straight Off The D.I.C. Cannibal Ox Cold Vein
496. The F-Word Cannibal Ox Cold Vein
497. Real Earth Cannibal Ox Cold Vein
498. Ridiculoid Cannibal Ox Cold Vein
499. Scream Phoenix Cannibal Ox Cold Vein

For some reason, my iTunes had Cold Vein listed as El-P's instrumental version of this album. Which I have, but haven't imported. Weird. Anyway, that's why it's out of alphabetical order. I got to CanOx backwards, from Aesop Rock to El-P to the cypher unknowns. Imagine my surprise when I found out El-P could produce great, non-insane beats — slow beats at that. CanOx may have been the best grindingly slow rap group ever. Vast Air makes rhyming slow an actual artform. It's all a bit creepy and a lot lush. Brillaint stuff.

500. Odalisque The Decemberists Castaways And Cutouts

This is the only song on Castaways that really stands out for me. I like it because the name reminds me of those stretched-out, boneless Ingres paintings, which is a good way of describing the Decemberists.

501. Bad Mutha Cee-Lo Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections
502. Closet Freak Cee-Lo Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections
503. Live (Right Now) Cee-Lo Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections
504. El Dorado Sunrise (Super Chicken) Cee-Lo Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections
505. Gettin' Grown Cee-Lo Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections
506. Microhard Cee-Lo Feat. Jahalla & Kirkland Underwater Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections

If Al Green and Rick James were Greek gods (and who's to say they aren't?) they'd have gotten bored on Olympus on high one day and sprouted Cee-Lo, fully formed, from their temporarily conjoined foreheads. Then they'd set him on some impossible tasks: Make a solo record that will freak out any fans of your previous group's hits. Done. Release a southern hip-hop/soul album weirder than anything Outkast had ever done while Stankonia ruled the charts. Check. Release another crazy album right after Speakerboxxxxx/Love Below was released. Next? Secure you're biggest hit writing a song held hostage by robots impersonating women. Hello, Pussycat Dolls! Then write a not-so-crazy song called Crazy BEFORE Outkast put out a crapblum and finally get people to worship at your feet. There you go. But before Z100 was crankin' Cee-Lo 24/7, Cee-Lo made his solo debut with this album and blew the few of us listening away with the above crazy-gonuts. I love Cee-Lo, and he can raise his spoiled kid however he wants (a helicopter? C'mon!), so long as he keeps making such awesome shit. I do wish he rapped more. Listen to the raps on these and wonder why Big Boi so slow and Twista so lacking inventiveness.

The Rules
1-85
86-113
114-230
231-321
322-338
339-408

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