Wednesday, November 29, 2006

SO-AND-SO

You lousy so-and-so. That's what I'm sayin' to the devil booze in my head. "You lousy so-and-so."

Did people ever actually call each other so-and-sos? I don't think they ever did, no matter what the Hayes Code tells us. I think they've always called each other what they wanted to call each other. It's a shame, really. Because calling someone a so-and-so sounds nice and drunk. "I can't be bothered to think of something appropriate to call you, because I'm drunk and you're just spoiling my drunk, aren't you, you old so-and-so?" It also connotes that whatever you want to call such-and-such a person, it's too terrible a thing to say even amongst impolite company. "Even here with the rude boys, I feel that what I want to call you is too filthy for them to hear. What I want to call you is even too filthy for you to hear, you so-and-so." And, to fill the law of threes, it's also nice because it works on two levels. You know how nice it is to insult someone by pretending to forget their name? Well, call them a so-and-so, and you've just implied that you can't even remember what horrible thing you call them behind their back.

It's such a good phrase, we should consciously call everyone so-and-sos until it becomes a part of our personal patois. Once it pats our trois affectionately, yet firmly, we'll all find ourselves using the term without forethought. Eventually, we'll even get it down to three-two -and even onethought. Than no thought at all. And when we start using it without thinking, then we'll have it right where we want it. It's true.

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